English version below
２０２０年に日本からヨーロッパに帰ることに決めました。
保育園の園長先生になっても、大きなアパートを借りてても、色な友達ができてもヨーロッパに帰りたいときめました。２００６年から日本語を勉強して、２０１４年で東京の生活初めて、２０１９年の５月ぐらいに日本から出たいをずっと続いて悩みました。
日本で生活をはじめてからドイツ語も、英語の先生の仕事をしました。不動産でも働いたことありますが、翻訳者の仕事もできて、エディターの仕事で色な記事を書くこともできました。日本で北海道、九州の旅行もできたし、一人で神無月のときに出雲大社いったときは一生忘れられない。色な仕事のおかげで色な新しい経験もできたし、大事な友達のおかげで日本の生活も楽しめました。
ライブ、カラオケ、美味しいごはん、短いたび、朝までの飲み会、温泉のリラックスの時間も、全部が大事な思い出になってるので、日本から出ても、きっと忘れないからです。
私はこれ以上日本を楽しめることができないです。日本語もこれ以上勉強ができないこともとわかりました。
そして30歳になってから、一人ぐらしの女の子として、そして外国人で、LGBTQ+ のコミュニティのメンバーで、結婚も、子供を考えてない私だから、東京で住む続くのはとても大変です。
自分の将来を考えるともっと安心な社会に住みたいをわかりました。
お金持ちじゃなくても、社会保障がほしいし、無料な保健制度もほしいし、ワークライフバランスを大事にしてる社会に住みたいです。日本で一人暮らし続くと将来の不安がいっぱいあります。病気になったらどうするか、大きな怪我したらどうするか、入院したらお金が払うことができない可能性があります。
そしてこれから以上大学でまた勉強したいことあったら日本の大学に簡単入れないし、お金も必要になります。
仕事がいきなりなくなったら健康保険、社会保険も払うことできないし、もちろん家賃も払えないし、失業救済金がきっと足りないだと思います。仕事がなかったらビザももらえない状態です。
そして仕事しながら、バイトも３つしてても、お金なかなか足りないのはとても大変です。家賃、光熱費、インタネット全部払ったらなかなか自分に使うお金が足りなくなっています。休みは一年で１０日しかないで、旅行したくても時間かお金が足りないです。
去年からこの悩みで色々考えたけど、やっぱり今の東京では一人ぐらいしするのはとても大変です。
今年は日本で仕事をやめて、アイスランドに引っ越しするを決めました。
仕事は５月にやめて、ヨーロッパに帰る日は６月１８日です。
アイスランドのアパートを見つけて、友達もできて、７月６日からレイキャビクに住むことになります。
日本に長く生活してから日本の素晴らしいところいっぱい見えたし、だめなところもいっぱい見えました。ドイツも、アイスランドも、どこにも完璧な国はないだと思いますが、私にあう国はきっとどかにあります。日本は今までとても楽しかったので、このいい思い出でそして幸せな気持ちいっぱいいっぱいで、今年を日本にさようならをしたいです。
今までお世話になった友達、とくにパンクの友達、そして共産党の友達に大感謝です。共産党のおかげでまた日本の希望を見えました。ヨーロッパにいても、ずっと応援します。日本の政治が変わったら、女性にもっと優しい社会を作ってくれるなら、もっとLGBTQの人の差別がなくなったら私も日本に戻ってきます。それは日本の政治家をみて、共産党しかできないことだとわかりました。そしてJCPサポーターとして必ず残ります。私にとっては日本共産党を目指してる政治が日本にとって一番正しい政治だと思うので、アイスランドに住んでも、これからも応援することは恥じゃないです。
そして私の職場にも、そして私のとてもえらい、いつも頑張ってる社長にも大感謝です。社長と喧嘩しても、いつも私のいいところを見つけてくれて、応援してくれました。そしてこの最後の日本から出ることを決めたときにも、温かい目で見守ってくれて、今でも応援してくれます。
私の日本のファミリー、２００６年から世話になってるホストファミリー、一番感謝しています。
２０１４年日本に戻ったときにも色なサポートしてくれて、いつも困ったときにそばにいてくれた。
そしてMちゃんとK。
二人には感謝の気持ちを言葉で伝えられない。この６年の間に二人がいなかったら私は多分もう２０１５年にドイツに帰ったかもしれません。（笑）二人のおかげで日本を楽しめた。毎日、毎日楽しめた。本当に二人みたいなマブダチはこの世界に二度と見つけられないから、私がどこに住んでも、この友情は必ず変わらない。
私の日本人の元彼氏にも感謝です。いい思い出いっぱいできたし、文化の違いで困ったとき、喧嘩したときは本当にごめんなさいでした。私は毎日新しいこと勉強しなきゃいけないから、これからも、もっといい人になるように頑張ります。昔できなかったことはまた今度会うとき絶対できるからです。
２０１４年から知り合った人、お世話になった人心からありがとうございました。
日本でできた経験はヨーロッパに帰ってからもきっと使えるし、これからも日本の生活の思い出きっと忘れない。辛い思いでも、楽しい思い出も、全部これからも大事にする。
7月からレイキャビックで会いましょう！★
I have decided to return to Europe in 2020.
I had a lot of fun in Japan but now it’s time for me to go home. I worked as a head teacher of a nursery school, I had my own apartment here, I made wonderful friends. Still I decided to give all up and go home. Initially I started studying Japanese in 2006 and always had and will always have a connection with this country. However, since I started living here in 2014 and since last year 2019 I realized there are a lot of things which make it impossible for me to stay here any longer.
Since I started living in Japan, I have worked as a German and English teacher. I’ve worked in the real estate business as well and I was able to do what I like – writing a lot of articles for different blogs and projects. I was able to travel to Hokkaido and Kyushu and I will never forget my visit to the Izumo Taisha Shrine all alone during Kaminazuki season. I was able to experience a lot of new things thanks to my various jobs, and enjoyed life in Japan thanks to my wonderful friends.
Concerts, karaoke, delicious food, short travels, drinking parties until the morning, and relaxing time in hot springs are all important memories, so even if I leave Japan, I will surely remember them. And those memories are just a small part of the 6 years I have spent here. I could add so much more.
However, I cannot enjoy Japan any more. Also I feel my Japanese level is now at a limit. I started learning new languages which interest me so much more now and which always have been a big hobby of mine.
Since I’m 30 now, a single woman, a foreigner and a part of the LGBTQ+ community, living in Tokyo is sometimes very difficult. Especially since I do not plan on getting married or having children because of my asexuality. Considering my future I realized that I needed to live in a more secure society. A society which is more open to single women and minorities which I am a part of.
Not being born rich, I consider social security, welfare and a good health system as a human right and nothing I need to work hard for. I want to live again in a society which provides me with a better work-life-balance. I want to live and work and not live for my work.
Since last year I have been asking myself, what will happen when I get seriously sick in Japan or injured? I know I could never afford the high cost of the hospitals and aftercare here. I was born in a country where health care was almost free.
Furthermore I know I always want to study and increase my knowledge about things, however Japanese universities are very expensive and impossible for me to join. There is no chance for me to study further or develop new skills. If I lose my job I will not be able to pay my rent, my social and health insurance, moreover I will lose my visa. Everything is so closely connected here to my profession and I cannot afford focusing on other things besides work. And this is a pressure I don’t want to take anymore.
Being born into a middle class family and struggling to support myself here in Tokyo, I feel like I cannot be an independent individual in this country.
I work full time from Monday to Friday now and have three part time jobs and still cannot make ends meet. After paying all my rent, utilities, internet, food and commute to work I have hardly anything left. On top of that I have only 10 days paid holiday a year which will be also deducted from my sick leave – so there is no time and no money to travel, a hobby I really cherish.
I’m not blaming my employer for the circumstances. I know it is like that and I wish I would have grown up here to adopt to it better. But being born and raised in Germany I know I can have more days off, more time to enjoy my hobbies and a better work-life-balance. I have the choice and I will make it.
I’ve been thinking a lot about all this since last year and it is really hard to live alone in Tokyo.
This year I decided to stop working in Japan and move to Iceland.
I will stop working in May and return to Europe on June 18.
After living in Japan for a long time, I saw a lot of wonderful things as well as a lot of bad things. I don’t think there is a “perfect country”, neither Germany nor Iceland, but there is definitely a country that matches me better.
I would like to thank my friends who have taken care of me, especially my punk friends, and my JCP friends. They made my life so much easier here, even in hard times. They gave me hope and showed me the positive aspects of this country. They made me love the culture and the people.
I am very grateful to my workplace and to my very amazing boss who always works so hard. Even we have fought a lot and we had so many arguments about working and living here, she always saw the good in me and supported me. Even after telling her, I will leave our school and I will leave Japan, she still kept on supporting me and helping me. She is a wonderful employer and a wonderful friend. And I know our company will continue to grow even without me.
I am most grateful for my Japanese family, my host family who has been taking care of me since 2006. When I returned to Japan in 2014, they provided me with various support and were always there when I was in trouble. They have been like a real family to me. And they always will be.
And M and K.
There are no words which can express my gratitude to you.
I would probably have returned to Germany already in 2015 if it were not for you two. The last 6 years you were always there for me at day and night, you met my family and all my friends. Because of you two Japan was fun. Every single day. And it doesn’t matter now that I leave. Because this friendship will never change.
One more thing I need to say, because they opened my eyes about Japanese culture and being a (white) woman here – I want to say thanks to my Japanese ex-boyfriend(s). I’m sorry now for the trouble I sometimes caused with being the independent German woman that I am. I know some of you also couldn’t accept my asexuality. Since I am learning new things everyday I will not give up on becoming a better human. And I will not make the same mistakes when we meet again. I’m grateful now for the memories we made together. And I am grateful that you showed me being single and independent is the way I always wanted to be.
I appreciate the friendship and companionship of the people I met since 2014 and the people who helped me during my life here.
I will be able to use my experience from Japan after returning to Europe, and I will never forget the memories of my life in Japan. The painful memories, the wonderful memories, the precious memories – I will take them all with me and cherish them, wherever I will live.
Meet me in Reykjavik, where I am going to live from July 6th on. 🙂
Sjaumst and goodbye.
Friederike Boerner, January 2020
Zelda Kasahara 